I know that’s a cryptic question, but, some questions have too many stipulations to get out in a mere sentence.

Without thinking of the actions one undertakes because of who or how they are, what makes a person tick? Some people, with parents, all of similar personality and morality, have children who turn out completely different. My parents were good to my siblings and I, yet, we all turned out differently.

One is very driven in life. One’s very aggressive in life. I am very…passive at everything I do.

I want to get a handle on why I am the way I am. I know that one thing must be done, but I almost uncontrollably do another. I know that, instead of doing one thing, and my conscience tells me that same thing. Even my desire wants that, yet, without an ability to control it, I reject it, and even though I feel worse about the situation (Most situations, not just one in particular, so a singular phobia seems to be impractical.) I repeatedly sabotage myself in everything I do. If I like doing something, I lose interest fast. Things I enjoy, don’t seem fun anymore, or for as long. Things I used to do, because I knew I had to, is like pulling teeth. I know I need to do it. I want to do it. But something completely petrifies that desire and will before it happens.

I have a strong morality, so there are a lot of things that no matter what, I just won’t do. But when it comes to things, that don’t seem absolutely 100% required, there is the chance that…no matter what…it always seems to fail. I feel like I’ve lost control of my mind, and I want nothing more then to have control of my mind again.

Can anyone understand this? Perhaps, can anyone with a bit of time give me some understanding of the way my mind works? I must conquer this, or I’m going to go nowhere for the rest of my life. I really can’t imagine dealing with that.

Something has to be done, unfortunately for me, I do not know what.
Perhaps I overanalyse and take the what ifs far more than I should, but when it comes to living, I’ve found it almost impossible to find what a healthy medium between how heavilly you should look at the what ifs, and when you should stop/ignore them. This is in some cases anyway. I’ve lived this way for as long as I’ve drawn breath, so I don’t really know where moderation in this comes into play. Moderation for anything really. When it becomes overanalyzation or overdoing it with the what ifs.