I’m contemplating divorcing my wife of a little more than 2 years. We have a 21 month old daughter. I’m active duty military, and have been gone for a good chunk of my daughter’s life. I don’t want to lose her, but I can’t stand her mother any more. We don’t agree on anything, and her idea of a “partnership” in marriage is her controlling everything. She doesn’t want to get a job and put my daughter in daycare, when we really need the money. I wonder what she does all day. The house is a mess, she doesn’t belong to any clubs/organizations, nor has really any friends. I’m the sole income, and I feel that I’ve come up with a few ideas that would great for our family, but she didn’t think of it, it won’t fly. I’ve really had enough. She is gorgeous, but is rarely interested, when I am practically an addict. I haven’t cheated on her, but honestly, I would have if the opportunity presented itself. I do love her…I just want to have some say in our lives…and I don’t want to lose my baby.
Thanks for the honest answers. I understand that she’s had to run the show by herself for a good period of time, but all people need to have some semblance of control in their lives. I get told to do at work and at home. Home should be a getaway. Well, ideally it should be. I just feel like we don’t match up well at all…and we’ve been together (somewhat off and on) since 1998. Counseling is out of the question…we don’t have anyone to watch my daughter…because my wife won’t give her up to anyone. She has serious trust issues, and besides me contemplating divorce, she shouldn’t have any issues with me. I want us to work. I don’t WANT divorce…but like one of you said, it is better to do it earlier than later.
Ok more background. I’m already seeing a shrink. She’s been helpful and it really does feel good talking to someone openly. I can’t see the chaplain…I know them too well and work with them often. I know I’m not the best catch, and I really want to improve myself for my (ahem, our) daughter and my wife. I have frustration and anxiety issues, but I have never physically hurt anyone in my family. And I won’t let it get that far. Emotionally, we’ve both had our battles. We started dating in high school, and a had a few break ups and returns prior to our marriage before basic training. I found out about our addition to the family at BMT graduation. I’ve told my wife everything that I’ve mentioned here, but she shows no signs of changing. She is well aware of my desire for her, but I don’t want to look back on my twenties (and life) as unfulfilled in any way. I think I’ve provided her with a good life, all I ask is equality (and affection) in the home. Thanks again to all.
Ok, I’ve been married for over 30 months. My daughter just hit 21 months. A wedding night miracle. I wouldn’t trade her for the world. My wife and I have lived together in the past. On two separate occaisions. She is a good mom, maybe too good. I DON’T want my daughter in daycare full time. If my wife gets a part time job 3-4 days a week in the afternoon/ evening (that means our daughter only will have to be in day care about 10 hours a week), 1) that will provide more income (daycare isn’t expensive on post) 2) she will get out more, make friends, get out of the house, 3) I have to take a more active role at home, I wouldn’t have a choice. I don’t see any negatives, but like I said, because I thought of it, she hates it. What else am I going to do? Get a second job myself, while going to school and work, to pay for our spending (which isn’t really that bad, we have very little debt, but no savings)? I would never see my daughter then!
Pureheaven mentioned all I want is what is good for me…that couldn’t be further from the truth. I want a happy home for all of us. I choose to see a counselor voluntarily. No one made me. I recognized a problem and am working on it. I’m not the one who has refused assistance. And how will I see my daughter if my wife moves back home? We aren’t from this area, and no judge will ever keep a child away from its mother unless abuse is involved. Being military, I can be gone at a moments notice. Am I wrong for wanting to be happy in the time spent at home?