A poem about something I heard somewhere…what do you think to it?
Oct.06, 2011 in
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Memories come thick and fast,
intangible, but how they last…
A monument of saddened thought,
a heart controls a head so wrought
when logic fails an infants mind,
explain to them with words so kind,
why mummy wont be home tonight
and daddy’s thoughts have taken flight.
Two little boys alone and scared,
all huddled up on brown cloth chairs.
A lampshade casting shadows and
a clock that’s slowly ticking, stand
an easel here and paint the sight
and capture all the dim lit night
that holds these angles in his grasp
and keeps them safe from harm at last.
The darkness, such a constant friend,
a thought the light can’t comprehend…
October 6th, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Wow, I want to know who wrote that; it was nice. I enjoyed the verses and how they flowed without lacking description. I really think that it is capturing, you feel for the children.
“stand an easel here and paint the sight
and capture all the dim lit night
that holds these angles in his grasp
and keeps them safe from harm at last.
The darkness, such a constant friend,
a thought the light can’t comprehend…”
The personification of the light with how it could never comprehend that the darkness is a constant friend would have to be my favorite passage.
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc
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October 6th, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Wow, I want to know who wrote that; it was nice. I enjoyed the verses and how they flowed without lacking description. I really think that it is capturing, you feel for the children.
“stand an easel here and paint the sight
and capture all the dim lit night
that holds these angles in his grasp
and keeps them safe from harm at last.
The darkness, such a constant friend,
a thought the light can’t comprehend…”
The personification of the light with how it could never comprehend that the darkness is a constant friend would have to be my favorite passage.
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc
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October 6th, 2011 at 3:36 pm
it sounds quite good – has a few awkward moments (to me) but i like how it sounds, it gives off an awesome mood – so eerie
there is a really creepy story in this poem
the daddy’s thoughts hv taken flight make me think he’s gone crazy and is painting his two kids after killing his wife – im wandering here haha
maybe its also just talkin abt how we sumtimes go back into our mind when we feel afraid and while we enjoy light, its in darkness that we can hide from reality
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc
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October 6th, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Your imagery is clear and heartbreaking because you have drawn me into the world about which you write. Your poem haunts me. You awakened feelings that need to stay dormant.
Now I will worry about my little ones going camping this weekend. t
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc
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October 6th, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Spooky… =/
I’m a bit freaked out.
“Two little boys alone and scared,
all huddled up on brown cloth chairs.
A lampshade casting shadows and
a clock that’s slowly ticking, stand”
^ that’s the bit that did it….
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc
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October 6th, 2011 at 10:35 pm
Poppy it makes me mad at the parents.
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc
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October 7th, 2011 at 1:36 am
Nice flow, strong message, end rhyme too, excellent images…yup qualifies in my mind as a poem. A very good one! My compliments.
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc
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October 7th, 2011 at 5:36 am
This is wonderful. I love the last two lines in particular. The rhyme and rhythm are perfect. I hope I to learn by your example. This is my favorite kind of poem. Thanks for sharing.
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc
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October 7th, 2011 at 8:36 am
This is very haunting poem of someone trapped by their talents. Their obsessions and addictions control the parents leaving children cold hungry and suffering neglect. I can almost see them as if the painting of two little boys on brown chairs stare forlornly back at me with their sad eyes telling me of neglect and fear. I think it is “angels” not “Angles”
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc
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October 7th, 2011 at 10:37 am
Poppy, You are Brilliant my friend
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc
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October 7th, 2011 at 1:37 pm
This reminds me of someone describing a painting (i know you used the word paint and easel, but that’s not what prompted this thought).
I like that you used enjambment – even though you rhymed (ack). It made the flow much easier for me.
Stroke … good kitty.
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October 7th, 2011 at 2:36 pm
I really wish I knew SOMETHING about poetry. = P.
I do like this a lot though, it had a good flow to it. FantAstic.
Stroke … good kitty.
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October 7th, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Wow! This is fantastic Poppy.
“explain to them with words so kind,
why mummy wont be home tonight
and daddy’s thoughts have taken flight”
I love that
You are a great poet!
Stroke … good kitty.
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