Can you help me???????
WHat should i write next?
Secrets Behind Her Smile
“Were moving” was the first thing my mother announced that terrible morning. Moving? Moving where I thought. This meant that my friends would no longer be friends but more like distant contacts, my school would no longer be called Jefferson Middle School, and my favorite teacher’s name wouldn’t be Mr. Lancester. Everyone was silent for a moment, and all I could hear was the ticking of our wooden clock, and the crackling of the fireplace. I just couldn’t believe it! The next thing I heard was my mother’s beloved china smash onto the ground.
“James, to your room now” my dad yelled sternly.
“You’re ruining my life!” my brother yelled back, and ran angrily up the stairs.
My brother’s life was perfect as school as he was the most popular kid. The kid that everyone knew. The kid that wore the expensive out – fits and whistled at girls as they walked through the aisle. Moron. The girls, of course didn’t mind, with his blond hair, huge muscles, and sparkling green eyes. But home wasn’t the same. He was constantly fighting with our parents about his grades, his inappropriate clothes, and his constant partying. I, though, was a goodie-two shoe or so I thought. I had dull brown eyes, plain black hair, and a very slim body.
I was usually the one standing on his side, sort of scrunched up in the corner. If I wasn’t with my brother, I was with my best friend Sean. Me and Sean were as tight as size two jeans on a fat man. We met each other in the third grade. Ever since that, we have been best friends.
But as I thought about this whole moving thing, I couldn’t help but agree with my brother. We had been living here for our whole lives and just to go like that? No way! But of course my parents had made up their minds.
I locked myself into the bathroom, and dropped to the floor, not feeling the pain as I hit my hand on the knob. As I felt the tickle of my tears come down my cheek, I heard a knock on the door. It was my mother telling me two hurry up. I picked myself up and covered any sign of me crying. The last thing I want was to throw a tantrum.
“Hurry up”, my mother said pleasantly.
“Ok”, I quickly answered back. I quickly splashed my face with water from the sink and looked at my reflection. I looked like a mess. But there was no time for that. I got out just before our red truck pulled by.
I hated that truck. My parents were it as a present from my unc;e. As we got in, my brother, of course, began his daily annoyance by starting to sing.
“Lalalalalalalala” He began to screech as his way of warming up. As he sang, we were beginning to get out of our drive through.
“Memememememe!!” he sang on.
James! My father yelled while trying to keep control of the car.
“What the hell do you-” he stopped. We wondered why he was gazing at the window. We looked at what he was looking out and scram. There was a big red truck, almost identical to ours, coming straight for………..
Us!
Honk! Honk! The truck went. But that didn’t help. We were seconds away from crashing.
Bam!
Then, everything went blank.
36 hours 2 minutes 10 seconds later……………………….
“Wake up sweetheart” I heard when I was just beginning to wake up. Where was I? How did I get here? Many thoughts came through my mind.
“Huh. Where am I”, I said uneasily.
“She’s awake” the woman cried to other people in the room, “You’ve been through a terrible car crash, honey.” The crash!!, I thought.
I jumped from my bed and surprised everyone with my energy after an accident.
“The crash” I yelled “What happened?. Where am I? Where are my parents and James?” I finished as if I was in a hurry.
“There is something I have to tell you, sugar”. There was an uneasy feeling about her. Like she was confessing a crime or something.
“Well, as you might have remembered you were in a terrible car crash. You made it out alive with only a few broken bones. But not everyone was lucky. Mat, Monica, and James weren’t so lucky.

August 17th, 2010 at 7:36 am
In answer to what you should write next, be evil. Torment your characters with what ifs. Ex- What if he had an aunt that came from California that asked him to move to there? What if he had no one to take care of him, and he had to fend for himself? Be cruel, be mean, and be crafty.
As an added note- I liked what you wrote, however if you write in 1st person you can’t say exactly how much time passed. He wouldn’t know it was “36 hours 2 minutes 10 seconds later” It was really entertaining but remember to be original–that rules out the aunt, did you catch that?–and don’t slam your reader. Slow down, but not TOO much. But they can actually go to school. They can have a HUGE fight with their parents. You can explain your character’s life more–what’s his name?–before it’s twisted. But that’s just the added note. Just a suggestion.
Great Job.
Be cruel.
Keep it up!
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