What to do about my friend, & person that I’m boarding her horse?
I’m boarding her horse, she helped me get my own horse, but she seems to hate me & not trust me now. She told me not to mess with her horse at all, so I didn’t. I got these texts all the time “Please don’t mess with my, I want to be the only one that messes with her” & they just kept getting, well, kind of ruder as the weeks passed. Some said “I told you not to mess with my horse, I helped you get your own horse, why won’t you leave mine alone?!?” When I don’t EVEN touch her horse. I tried to be nice, but after a while of getting the texts my answers started becoming a little bit rude, too, even though I didn’t mean for them to be. I was getting annoyed. Why couldn’t she just trust me & know I won’t mess with her horse? & between the “don’t mess with my horse texts” she told me, why are you being so mean to my horse now that you got your own? Your ignoring her, you shouldn’t be mean to mine just because you have Tango now” It’s like, okay, you tell me not to touch your horse, but when I listen & go out & play with mine, I’m being mean to yours? I don’t get it. Then, every time I talked to her she brought up bringing overfly spray to do both of our horses to keep mosquito’s off. Finally after about two weeks I texted her “When r u comin ova wif da fly spray” I texted like that because I was in a hurry. She texted me back something like “By your own fly spray. Don’t send me mean texts telling me to bring over my fly spray, I didn’t make them fly on him. God” I’m thinking, what I did I do? Then the rode ride when I had problems getting my horse to walk she said “What? Can’t take a little trotting?” & then when we got home she said “I think it’s just you, Amber. You just can’t control horses.” When she couldn’t get her horse to go down cannels or anything like that. My horse listens to everything but walking. Then around three-four days later, I told her I wasn’t going dow the rode anymore, it chiped his feet up too bad & it;’s kind of boring for me. Her responce was “Oh, well I guess I’ll just have to sell my horse faster if you won’t go riding with me.” Like she was trying to guilt me into messing up my horses feet to go down a few blocks of rode. Then she told me she was probably getting one of my favorite horses baies, a horse that she hates, I was being excited for her & asking her questions, feeling a little jealous. I would kill for Annie or her baby. She texted me back “Why does it matter to you? There not your horses. You won’t mess with them anyway” or something like that. I’m like, what? I was just being happy for you & your going to be like that? I don’t get her. I want to keep being her friend, but she’s getting so mean. Any advice on how to fix this? I think I messed it up, whatever I did…
She also says I am mean to her, when I’m always one step behind trying to figure out what I did.
& I somehow hurt her feeling when I said “Just give me a little time with my horse before someone else rides him please” When she asked her her kids could learn to ride on him. Around two weeks later I let my friend sit on him for around 45 seconds. I somehow hurt her feelings with that?
I mean, I just got to look at her horse for a month, but if I let someone mess with my horse before she does, its horrible?
July 6th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
and you’re putting up with her ….. why?
with friends like that, you don’t need enemies. ever heard of that saying?
take it to heart.
either shut up and keep putting up with her neurotic crap, or grow a pair and tell her where she can stick her attitude and mean it.
go find a real friend. this one sucks.
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July 12th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
damn if that were my friend i would have been yelling at her and cusing her out by now!
tell her to get her shit together or she cant board her horses with you anymore!!
honestly if she’s treating you like that she’s not your friend
you did nothing wrong!
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July 19th, 2010 at 4:37 am
you went wrong boarding her horse I think. seriously you communicate via txt messaging? I realize 90% of the world can’t put their cell phones down but really, you’re conducting BUSINESS via txt messages? what ever happened to face to face? Why in the world do you want to be friends with someone so vindictive and, well from reading your side obnoxious. is it worth it?
wanna know how to fix it? perhaps her and her horse would feel better elsewhere since your care or lack there of sucks. that might be the only way to salvage a friendship.
I work in retail,I know obnoxious brats.
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July 27th, 2010 at 4:37 am
Ok, here is what you need to do. Stop TEXTING and have a real conversation with this person. The two of you need to sit down and discuss the matter face to face, see if you can work out your differences and come to an agreement. If the two of you cannot come to an agreement tell her that she needs to find a new place to board her horse. You want to be responsible for these animals and yet you cannot get your own stuff together. Grow up and figure it out. Maybe talk to your parents.
I work in retail,I know obnoxious brats.
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August 5th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
I’ve just read both your questions and it appears that both of you and the two horses really need to make some decisions. We want to be with our horses to get away from all the crap and it seems that your relationship is causing a lot of crap. All four of you need to have a serious talk and either get things back on track and ironed out or go your separate ways. This can’t be fun for anyone. You don’t even enjoy doing the same type of riding.
I work in retail,I know obnoxious brats.
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August 16th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
This sounds like Schizophrenia to me. Either natural or drug induced. And I suggest you get shut of her before something crazy happens. People like that can do the most irrational and violent and crazy things.
You need to find a SAFE way to tell her the horses need to go somewhere else. You can get other boarders if you need the money.
I work in retail,I know obnoxious brats.
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August 30th, 2010 at 8:36 am
Just making sure I’m understanding correctly – you are boarding her horse as in her horse is at your house? If so, I’d tell her to leave A.S.A.P. You shouldn’t put up with that. If anyone treated me like that they’d be out of my life so fast!
I work in retail,I know obnoxious brats.
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September 15th, 2010 at 6:36 pm
Geezzz. I think I know what I would do! LOL
I’m assuming you are both teenagers and she is being typically moody (like we all were
You need to do a couple of things:
- Like others said stop texting. The written word can be taken out of context and people can put a TONE to it. You might write something happy with a smile on your face and she reads it as rude and blunt. eg. That’s a NICE horse (taken to be, I genuinely like your horse) or THAT’S a NICE horse (taken to be, sarcastically I don’t really like it at all) LOL
You need to speak to her face to face. Ask if she is ok, show genuine concern for her, she may need a friend. Try to not use words like YOU. People feel attacked, the statement “you make me feel” will make most people become defensive immediately. Try things like “when I receive a text like that ‘I’ feel hurt”, “I don’t know how to help” or “can ‘I’ help you”. It helps people to actually listen to your words and not shut down. However it does take practice and it is a good idea to practice it around your family (it’s not so easy
About the texts; say that perhaps your both misinterpreting the text messages. So you might save them for other contact and not about the horses. As the horses are relying on you both and a miscommunication could mean confusion about something important (like not being fed or watered for example)
- Sit down privately and have a really good think about her personal situation. I am assuming you were both better friends before all this? Has something changed in her home life? Have her parents divorced? Home life bad? Abuse? Recently moved? Boyfriend troubles? (abuse by the boyfriend – it does happen) You mentioned her selling her horse – is it by choice of forced?
If she was being forced to sell her horse and she helped you get one then she is probably very hostile and jealous. However regardless of the reason, it sounds like your the one she feels close enough with, to take it out on. A husband and wife vent frustration at each other, does not mean that the marriage is about to collapse, but it can mean that we lash out at the people closest to us sometimes.
- People can either give to a relationship or they can take from it. She might just be one of those people who is negative (glass half empty) if that is the case, I would try talking to her. But if it does not work you really do need to protect yourself. If she is only taking, then you would be best to remove yourself from contact with her on a regular basis. Be polite and pleasant when you do see her, but don’t get drawn into the negativity of some one like that, because they can become very draining. Some people create drama and can’t live without attention, then create more drama to attract attention when people move on.
- About the horse. It is hard for people who are not able to have their horse with them. Often here on YA you see people asking questions about their horse falling in love with someone else, or it liking their friend more. She may be a very insecure person and might just need some gentle reassurance.
Both sit down and put in writing what she would like you to do with the horse. Like a care schedule. If she was boarding at a barn and could only attend every afternoon, the barn staff would; feed the horse in the morning and turn the horse out into the pasture. It may be written that 2 afternoons a week she would also like them to muck out the stable so she can have more riding time.
So your agreement would be similar, it will take away her ability to keep changing her mind when she feels like it. Write in dot point what she would like you to do; daily (feed, water, rug, general visual health check), weekly (buy bag of feed from store) and monthly (ride horse on X day because she has a banjo lesson and can’t ride LOL). But you get the idea of what I’m saying
It can include anything she needs or would like you to do. I am assuming you are being paid to have the horse on your property or I hope you are.
Also include a page for things she does NOT want you to do with her horse. No treats on Monday and Thursday because they are her riding days. Don’t pat horse more than 3 times while stomping your left foot. I don’t know, she sounds like she is being unreasonable. LOL
Anyway, if none of the above works I would suggest that you politely ask her to find another facility for her horse. If she is unhappy with the care of the horse or your knowledge and ability, then the horse should be removed before you get accused of tampering with him? Don’t spend your whole life bending over backwards to help people who won’t help themselves.
I wish you well. Good luck with it
**** EDIT — You said she has kids?? So I’m guessing she is not a teenager? The above principle is still the same regardless of her age. In fact the older she is, the more intolerable her behaviour is. As an adult she should know she is being childish.
Still take into account external factors and try to give the benefit of the doubt first. However, if she fails to be reasonable you need to advise her that her behaviour is unacceptable.
Don’t run along a step behind trying to figure her out! She is thriving on this because she sounds like she is possessive over you and your horse. Be careful to nip it in the bud and not to encourage her behaviour.
Tell her to use her own horse to teach her kids!
33 years riding/owner
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October 4th, 2010 at 11:40 pm
At first I was thinking that she was a teenager just being mean until I read that she had kids. Wow, I feel sorry for them. I’ve had friends that have tried to manipulate me and I just ignored their mind games and told them NO. They eventually exited out of my life because they didn’t get what they need. They got mad and blamed it on me of course, but who cares. Sounds to me that she has some mental and emotional disabilities, but it’s not yours to fix. If you are not giving her what she wants and jumping through all the hoops that she puts out there for you she’ll probably just get bored and leave. Or you can keep on jumping through the hoops until she gets tired of playing with you and finds someone else to abuse. Either way she’ll eventually go, but it’s up to you how you’re treated in the meantime. If you think that she would get mad enough to harm your horse or anything else on your property, I would get rid of her NOW
33 years riding/owner
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October 22nd, 2010 at 6:36 pm
I wouldnt put up with her, but then its easier for us to say that for you to do since she is your friend. Like other people have already said stop texting, ask to talk to her about the situation, dont blame her for anything or tell her that her behaviour is upsetting you, but ask why yours is upsetting her. Make sure she knows that you want to make friends again. Maybe theres something difficult going on at home and so shes taking it out on other people? Whatever it is im sure you’ll sort it.
However its up to you wether your friendship is worth repairing, personly id be really offended and would probably tell them where to shove their bad attitude! Hope this helps you 
33 years riding/owner
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