I applaud the attempt. There are several things I would recommend before submitting this though, mostly in terms of grammar and use of description.

If you have time, put this aside for a couple of days and then re-read it, using a pen to score out excessive alliteration and heavy handed descriptive prose. There’s quite a bit, I’m afraid.
i.e. Everything protecting me from the morbidly, malicious supercilious stones of death..
and…ignorant of the inevitable years of tormenting torture… (Tortuous tautology if ever I saw it!)

Think of it like a vegetable border shortly after sowing the seeds, now it’s time to thin them out to leave only the strongest and the best to ensure a vibrant, healthy crop.

I would also question the seemingly random use of capitals throughout the text, I found it distracting and don’t think it adds anything to the work.

You need to be careful with your use of tenses as well, for there are many inconsistencies where you switch between past and present and first and third person perspective. Parts of the piece speak as if it happening in the present and then it switches to refer to it as past. This would be a serious fault if left uncorrected as it makes the viewpoint of the reader ambiguous and uncertain.

You need to pick one time viewpoint and stick with it or make the past references stand out as reminiscences in context. These should be simple enough to correct.

The paragraph that starts ‘The outcome of my wife and children’ needs to be completely re-written as it doesn’t make any grammatical sense at all, sorry.

All in all a reasonable first draft that has the potential to be very good.

I would be interested to see the final version.

Sorry, I meant to say earlier, I have no idea what tenth grade is, we have a different terminology in England.

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