My Father-in-law says I’m ugly?
I don’t know what to do about my father-in-law. The man just spews verbal diarrhea. He likes to pick on people, and while I know this is part of his personality, his constant jabs are really hurtful. I’ve had self-esteem issues my entire life and given the opportunity I would undergo gross amounts of plastic surgery to correct the way my face looks. I don’t have a single facial feature that I like.
So onto the problem, my father-in-law likes to constantly point out my unattractiveness. My husband went to Europe in college while we were dating and his father encouraged him to sleep around because he could do better than me. His father has also tried to set him up with other women before and after we were married because again, he insists that his son can do better.
I’m short and not very large, and my chest is proportional to my body. My Mother-in-law on the other hand is quite well endowed. When I was pregnant my father-in-law constantly told me that there was no way I’d be able to breastfeed with my “mosquito bites”. I wouldn’t say a B cup is mosquito bites — and obviously they were larger when I was pregnant.
My teenage brother-in-law is dating a girl who is pretty on the outside, but ugly on the inside. My father-in-law showers her with praise and is constantly telling her how beautiful she is. He tells his son how lucky he is to be with her even when she baby trapped him (with a child that may or may not be his), and blackmailed my in-laws into building an apartment they could live rent-free in.
I try my best to not let my father-in-law get to me, I put a smile on my face and go to every single family function they dream-up even when it conflicts with other plans (like my birthday or weekend plans my husband and I have) and I try to help out as much as I can when we’re at their house. However, this past weekend my father-in-law’s ridicule went beyond me to our daughter. He looked at her, and then he looked at me, then turned to her and said he hoped she didn’t look like me when she grows up, and then proceeded to inspect her face for any similarities. I almost started to cry, but was able to stop myself. I just stood up, announced that “someone” smelled bad and took my daughter in for a diaper change that she didn’t really need.
My husband always just tells me that his dad is like that to everyone and that I shouldn’t let it get to me. He tries to make me feel better by telling me that I’m “just not dad’s type” and that’s why he’s constantly making fun of the way I look.
In a couple of months we’re going to have to move in with them while we build our new house. Financially we can’t afford to pay a mortgage and pay rent on another place, so it’s really our only option. No other family has a large enough house for us to stay with them, nor are they close enough to our jobs.
I guess this isn’t really a question, but I just needed to vent and if a couple people could tell me what a jerk my father-in-law is that would be wonderful. ![]()

February 15th, 2011 at 6:36 pm
thats awful tell your hubby what he has sadi to you and confront the fother in law!
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February 16th, 2011 at 11:36 am
What a jerk!
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February 17th, 2011 at 4:36 am
Yes he is a jerk! My ex boyfriends dad used to act similar to this and when he would make negative comments I would turn around and make negative comments about him. Eventually he kept his mouth shut (in front of me anyway).
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February 17th, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Hes a creep and who made him the ultimate judge of beauty? If it makes you feel better, point out his worst features, Im sure hes an ugly person anyway
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February 18th, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Throw it back at him. Next time he says something ugly, reply back with, “Well good thing I’m smart and have a fantastic work ethic. And boy, I’m a great mom. Go back to your football game, old timer.”
Some people just like to talk sh*t. Talk sh*t back, and you might even get some respect.
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February 19th, 2011 at 6:38 am
I’m sorry hunny but your husband needs to confront his dad in front of you and everyone else and thell him “that’s enough, your not going to keep disrespecting my wife and now my child”…he needs to be a man and so that…if he won’t do it who will…..you should talk to your husband and let him know that this REALLY hurts your feelings and now he is talking about ur child together…so he is also calling his son ugly because your baby is both of you. If your husband doesn’t say anything then you should…you need to be a mother and stand up for your child as well…it will only get worse…you don’t want your child having self-esteem issues do you? Just try your best to handle it…..or if all fails cry in front of him….maybe he needs to see that he is hurting you and then he will stop…or tell your mother -in-law…
MMI
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February 19th, 2011 at 9:37 pm
It is going to be frustrating and hard, but here is the thing. He is a shallow person. It is no wonder he only responds to and appreciates people of great outter beauty, because that is all he is capable of appreciating. Don’t think of him as a deep person who just being superficial; he is not able to give you what you deserve any more than you could go swiming in a cookie sheet filled with water.
Wanting that cookie sheet to turn into a deep well is only going to drive you crazy (because it ain’t going to happen). The best thing that you can do is accept him (not like him) for who he is (which is a deeply flawed person who is incapible of perceving anything beyond physical beauty).
Don’t go out of your way to get them to like you, they can’t fully appreciate you. You should pity them for being so blind to the real beauty of life. Each time he says something awful about your apperance should only trigger pity in you. Pity that these are the lashings of a man who is hurt and angry with the world, who only says those things to keep people from finding out how scared and inadequate he feels. Pity that he is listening to a symphony of life, but can only hear two chords.
It will be frustrating for you for a while, but you get to return to your life with the man who loves you soon. He will be imprisioned in the cage he has created for himself until the day he dies.
Each time he disrespects you, know that there is a scared little boy only doing so to throw up walls to protect what must be the most fragile of egos ever. Scared because some part of him must know, even though he would never admit to anyone else, that he has surrounded himself with a fake hollow life, but that it is too late, and he wouldn’t even have the ability to change it now.
MMI
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February 20th, 2011 at 5:36 pm
I would tell him to take a flying f… the hell out of your life. How could you take your child around this man. If your child doesn’t end up to his standards of what he thinks the child should look like, he will put him, her down too. Your child may even be learning to treat you that way also. I can’t believe you are moving in with that jerk. If you do, you will get it much worse b/c you are in his house and he will control you. Don’t take your child around this a.. hole, your a better mother then that. Don’t ya think!
MMI
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