my niece is about to start the first grade, and is beyond smart. she’s a brilliant little girl who isn’t the shy type. her mother is mostly out of the picture because of personal differences, and my brother has had custody of her for her whole life.

my brother (her father) is living with my older sister, her husband & son in a 2 bedroom cape about 30 minutes from here. while i know they all love and care about my niece, it’s a bad situation. my brother is there because he is trying to get on disability and (though i really doubt he will) hasn’t gotten a job in years. he is obsessed, and i mean, obsessed with online games and is pretty much absent as a parent. my niece, at six years of age, is fully self-sufficient and takes care of herself most of the time.

my sister works, while her husband IS on disability for good reason, and he stays home (cooks, cleans, takes care of their son) and they have a good family cycle. my brother on the other hand treats my niece like she’s taking up space and “smacks her butt”, (which even though i guess can’t be considered as “abuse”, it’s not that bad, i just know we WERE NOT raised to do that) every time she moves, because she’s annoying him.

my niece acts out (puts things in the toilet, throws fits when she has to be alone with her father, in school she sometimes acts out, and is very timid. my brother yells at her for everything, including her dropping a hot dog, making him repeat himself (she has ear issues)). he freaks out.

i spent a lot of time at my sister’s house the past few years because of problems at my house (i’m at least 10 years younger and maybe 9 of my niece’s father) and i’ve noticed things like:

-fleas in her bed
-”i forgot my ear drops at grandma’s house”, my brother, “you’re half way through the dose, you’ll be fine. (her ears were draining all over her)
-rotting cereal (“she likes it anyway; i don’t want to get up again”)
-”you can’t eat for the rest of the day” – she hasn’t finished the huge portion of lunch he gives her, and she really eats nothing for the rest of the day
-goes to bed around 1AM
-tucks herself in at night because my brother doesn’t want to climb the stairs (has gone on for years)
-when she stays at our house, she throws a fit before she will go with him
-always late for school, my brother hates to wake up after a long night of online gaming
-was never signed up for summer activities, sat on her computer most of this summer
-has never rode her bike, (“my back hurts, we’ll do it tomorrow” tomorrow hasn’t come in three years.
-rarely plays outside because my brother would rather be on his computer- he’s actually said this to her
-the welfare money he gets for my niece is spent on cigarettes, scratch cards, sugary drinks, little debbie snacks and chocolate milk that my niece isn’t allowed to touch

my sister has had enough, and made my brother move my niece downstairs with him in their 3-floor house, and (bedrooms on top floor, dining/kitchin/livingroom ground floor, basement which has my brother’s bedroom and computer room) she had her own room (which was never cleaned, sheets weren’t ever changed, weird smells, etc- my niece even tried to clean it by herself once, with baby powder and pledge). she’s been sleeping in my brother’s bed with him, which my friend told me could be grounds for taking her from him if DCYF got involved. my niece has been staying with myself, my other brother and my mother for the past month and a half, and her temper tantrums have abruptly stopped- we treat her like a kid, not an adult, and she’s babied- as she really should.

my brother has, in my eyes, neglected her and she’s paid the price her whole life.. we’re in the process of having her legitimately moved here, so my mother can have custody and raise her, but what i really want to know is… is what my brother did right, or are we doing the right thing? my brother wasn’t ready to be a father, let alone a single dad, and no doubt loves her, but i’m not sure if it’s better for her to be with us or him.

** i know that there is no form of sexual abuse or any of that good stuff, just maybe mental abuse. i’m not sure what to do..
she’s very needy, and always wants to be around myself and my nearly 6 m/o son, and has to be near him (she’s a little too touchy-feely, so we need to keep them separate most of the time)

thank you guys for the answers, they’re making me feel better (: